Its raining here in Orlando, Florida and this song came to my mind by the Dramatics.
I wanna go outside, in the rain, it may sound crazy, but I wanna go outside, in the rain.
Once the rain starts falling on my face, you won’t see a single trace.
But the tears I’m crying, because of you I’m crying, don’t want you to see me crying, let me go, let me go, let me go!
This is a beautiful song, powerful and with true meaning. Many of us are crying silently and many of us are demonstratively crying. Our pain is so deeply rooted others around us can feel it and be affected. Since the demise of my Aunt Evelyn Adams in August and my buddy James E. Ford in September, my tears have been unstoppable, the tears on my pillows are a salty altar of my pain. I silently cry in the shower or I scream out in raw pain. Often times I try to hide my tears from my husband Chuck, sometimes I am successful and sometimes I’m not. It only takes a smell, song, memory or sound to bring me to tears on these two loved once that I lost, yes I said lost because I feel lost without them. But God!
Can I just be real with you for a moment. When someone dies it seems as though a piece of you leaves with them, you laugh and try to function during the day, but at night the pain and hurt is tender to the touch. There’s a black hole that you want to dive in and roll up in a big ball and cry and scream until you are hoarse, somebody out there knows what I’m talking about this morning. The grief is unbearable, it stops you from functioning at your full capacity, it knocks you off of your feet, it takes you for a loop, you feel like you’re spinning in mid-air, your equilibrium is off, you’re sick to the point of you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t comprehend, you’re moody and you could care less about anything you’re just going through the motions, Can I get a witness today?
I was watching Bishop T D Jake’s and he brought confirmation and reaffirmation on some of the things that I had been saying about losing a loved one. He said don’t tell me not to cry about the lost of a loved one, you didn’t lose somebody that was near and dear to you and until you’re sitting on the other side of this casket, leave me alone and get out of my face, let me cry until I run out of tears.
I was telling my dear friend Keisha Lemmon that I could not be a help to her during the demise of her father James Ford, because all I could do was cry and I was hurting too, I was Mr. Fords caregiver for two years. But as I begin to listen to T D Jake’s, he said that all a person need for you to do is to be quiet and cry with them. Now here I am thinking I had to have something deep to say to the family and give them some encouraging words, but T D Jake’s said otherwise, me sitting there crying with her was the best thing that I could do. Sending flowers and saying cute clichés does nothing for a grieving person, its appreciated but it does nothing for them, people who matter the most are the ones that come and weep with you. A friend is one who sticks with you during tragedy.
Jesus didn’t rebuke anyone for crying when Lazarus died, Jesus wept for those that were hurting and left behind, and he wept again when the critics showed up to talk about the people crying. Jesus the weeping priest stays with me. I thank God that I’m coming out of the weeping stage soon, my tears will be tears of joy and of the memories of the beautiful times that I shared with both of my loved ones. I’m giving Him a yet praise, that this too shall pass. Psalm 30:45 For His anger endureth but a moment; in His favor is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. God is getting ready to turn my mourning into morning! I’m holding on and I’m not letting go. No Rain no pain no gain!
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Forever His Servant
Robin A. Curry